Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
Amityvillenado
– (2026) – A few who visit the site of a murder house that was wiped out by a tornado become possessed by evil forces. Has points of progression and moves relatively fast while doing as much as it can with a meager budget. Still, there’s nothing here one hasn’t seen before, aside from a guy who’s possessed with sinister Hershey squirts. Mostly easy to withstand, despite an overlength of 111-minues.
Wizard of Death: Tinman’s Rise
– (2026) – A small family is hunted by a killer who’s donned in tin and sporting an ax. An experience not unlike banging your face against concrete, since there’s virtually nothing to observe that’s meaningful or memorable. Characters often scream, a stiff villain kills them in unimaginative ways, and the credits finally roll. There’s virtually nothing of substance here.
Pinocchio Unstrung
– (2026) – An orphaned kid is introduced to a boy made of wood who hopes to become human by ingesting human flesh. A remarkably dull jaunt that asks us to either care about children we barely know over a goddamn puppet. As horror this is okay since there is a lot of bloody violence, but as a narrative drama this lacks everything that could possibly create a single emotional experience. Kudos to the practical FX, but the script is garbage.
– (2000) – When a serial killer starts attacking virgins, timid students stage a mass orgy. A unique addition to the slasher set, although a few cliches do sneak their way in. A little corny at times, especially when dealing with the villain, but the horror events are mean and non-PC.
– (2009) – A serial killer stalks convenience store personnel who gather for a night of poker. A few initial moments of humor aren’t bad, but before long the whole premise becomes a typical joke. Dumb and obvious.
– (1978) – Four survivors of a zombie plague take refuge in a shopping mall they slowly transform into a modern paradise. Begins with a great sense of dread that never lets up, and ends with exciting frustration. Always involving, most often startling, and surprisingly emotional. A haunting epic.
Tales of Halloween
– (2015) – Anthology of ten stories that focus on multiple aspects of Halloween, from killer humans to killer pumpkins. The tales range from barely okay to outright idiotic, despite thriving for holiday themes. The F/X are utterly awful, but somehow the acting is worse.
Birdemic 2: The Resurrection
– (2013) – Pissed off birds rise from the La Brea Tar Pits and attack the environmentally unsound. As unintentionally unfunny as the original, but this time around has a moment or two of genuine humor. Terrible in countless ways, yet hard to condemn since it’s so unabashedly stupid.
Dorm of the Dead (2012)
– (2012) – A bunch of college geeks deal with zombies by referring to popular movies. There’s hardly any story pertaining to the dead versus the living, aside from a few wide shots of zombie groups. A dirt cheap version of something that could have been made for even cheaper and still accomplish the same nothingness.
Massage Parlor of Death
– (2015) – A masseuse kills her patrons in the name of voodoo and resurrection. A 61-minute mess that barely has a story and is highlighted by some of the worst gore (spaghetti sauce) ever filmed. There are some amusements throughout, and every actor seems in on the joke, but it’s hard to consider this an actual movie.
It (1990)
– (1990) – Six friends return to their hometown to confront a being that terrorized them 30 years earlier. Best when dealing with the reunion of old friends, as the child segments feature some truly bad acting. Long, but moves incredibly fast and covers a lot of ground. Lacks the emotional depth and evil nature of the epic novel.
Decampitated
– (1998) – Campers are victimized by a killer who can’t seem to kill anyone. The comedy outweighs the horror by a megaton, as a failed joke is attempted every two seconds. Though someone might have suggested otherwise, these actors are not comedians.